Year-End Reflections: A Humorous Take on 2025

Welcome to our year-end special of Declassified, where we take a light-hearted look back at the chaotic year that was 2025. With so much calamity and confusion, many of us might have wished we could’ve joined astronauts like Suni Williams or Butch Wilmore in space, dodging the turmoil back on Earth.

The Astronauts’ Escape

Williams and Wilmore intended to spend about ten days in space but ended up orbiting the Earth for nearly ten months. They finally returned in March, blissfully unaware of the chaos that had unfolded during their absence. Imagine their welcome back: “Great news, you’re home safe! Bad news: Kamala Harris didn’t win the election.”

Political Shenanigans

It was hard to miss the overwhelming presence of Donald Trump, who commandeered the news cycle with the same fervor a bear would exhibit in a honey aisle. His administration rolled out a series of ill-advised tariffs impacting nearly everyone, including uninhabited islands in Antarctica. Then, he had a spectacular clash with Elon Musk, who found himself caught in the crossfire.

Europe’s Oddities

Across the Atlantic, Europe saw its own share of peculiar events. Germany witnessed a leadership swap from Olaf Scholz, known for his charisma, to Friedrich Merz, who always seems like he just received bad news. Meanwhile, Italy became the epitome of political stability, while France spiraled into disarray, experiencing such volatility in leadership that, as of now, Eric Cantona holds the premiership.

In Brussels, Ursula von der Leyen became a source of controversy, facing three confidence votes in the European Parliament, which seems to have shifted so far right that it risks toppling over.

Bright Spots Among Shadows

Amid the turmoil, there were some glimmers of hope. The new pope has managed to establish a refreshing image, breaking the cycle of good and bad popes that had characterized recent years. António Costa took on the mantle of European Council president, showing a marked improvement in the role compared to his predecessor, Charles Michel—who, to be fair, struggled to even manage a sandwich wrapper.

As we look toward 2026, one can only hope for improvement. Surely, it cannot get any worse, right?

“It’s a concerning sign for European majorities, and troubling for Europe as well as for efforts against climate change.” — Greens group co-leader Terry Reintke

Who’s Rising and Falling?

On the Rise

• New Romance: Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry are now an item. It seems that sometimes, all it takes for a power couple is a cringe-worthy space tourism stunt and a political resignation.
• Resilience: Ursula von der Leyen has shown remarkable survival skills, enduring three no-confidence motions this year. Both far-left and far-right factions took aim, underscoring that her unpopularity isn’t just about ideology.

Facing Difficulties

• US-EU Relations: Remember a time when America and Europe were friends? Vice President JD Vance seems to have forgotten as he criticized European democracies at the Munich Security Conference.
• Royal Changes: Prince Andrew is no longer in his royal position. He’s now Andrew Mountbatten Windsor, a rather mundane name for a man who faced significant public backlash. His brother, King Charles, further stripped him of public funding, leaving him with few options.

Political Chaos Award

Marine Le Pen had quite the year in French politics. After being barred from public office for five years due to a scandal, many thought her political career was over. However, she remains undeterred, awaiting her chance for a comeback while her right-hand man, Barbie Bardella, is poised to step in at any moment.

Meanwhile, President Emmanuel Macron juggled prime ministers like a performer in a circus, seemingly oblivious to his own role in the chaos. Perhaps France could benefit from a female president to reverse this instability—just look at Italy for inspiration, albeit with its own controversial leadership.

Caption Competition of the Year

“He’s coming! Quick, be a statue.” — Willem Callens

Conclusion

As we wrap up 2025, it’s clear that the political landscape has changed dramatically. With ongoing challenges and peculiar developments across the globe, we look to the future with mixed emotions, hoping that 2026 brings both stability and a welcome shift from the past year’s chaos.

Key Takeaways

• The year 2025 was marked by significant political upheaval in both the US and Europe.
• Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore missed out on major political events by spending nearly ten months in space.
• While political figures faced backlash, there were bright spots, such as the new pope creating a positive image.
• The rise of new couples in politics, like Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry, provided unexpected highlights.